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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create lacies new Cracked username. As we all prepare to spend a long weekend enjoying Presidential Savings on mattresses and used Toyotas, we could take Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin to thank some of the presidents who passed bills that protect some of the freedoms your enjoy daily.

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Or we could spend the day celebrating the presidents who are decidedly more Action Movie Heroes than diplomats. When the election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running.

Sexy wives in Wuppertal you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic.

Former Democratic Senator and Secretary of the Treasurey Albert Gallatin feared a Jackson presidency because of his "habitual disregard of laws and constitutional provisions. Sure, he probably didn't have an irate black lieutenant Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin answer to, or a weary partner who Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin too old for this shit, but he most certainly had a death wish.

How do we know? Well, despite everyone's best efforts, Jackson was elected to the top office, and Aspiring Diagonal seeks sugar momma he wasn't busy shaping the Presidency as we know it today, you could find him out back dueling. In case you haven't been to the 18th century lately, this unmanly sounding activity actually involves standing across from an armed man and shooting at him while he in Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin shoots at you.

The number of duels that Jackson took part in varies depending on what source you consult; some say 13, while others Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin the ig somewhere in the 's, both of which are entirely too many times for a reasonable human being to stand in front of someone who is trying to kill them with a loaded gun.

On one occasion, he challenged a man named Charles Dickinson to a duel, the reason behind it wasn't important, not to us and certainly not to Jacksonand Jackson was Gallxtin kind enough to give Dickinson the first shot. We're gonna go ahead and repeat that: In a duel with pistols, Jackson politely Women seeking no strings sex 30080 to be shot at first.

Gallaitn happily obliged and shot Jackson, who proceeded to shake it off like it was a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickinson was not so lucky, and that's why his face isn't on the twenty. The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin Jackson's least favorite category.

Andrew Jackson may have been the first master of Gun Kata. Greatest Display Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin Badassedry: Andrew Jackson was the first president on whom an assassination attempt was made.

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A man named Richard Lawrence approached Jackson with two pistols both of which, for Milf Singapore fuck reason, misfired. With the possibility of an assassination taken off the table, Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence near death with his cane until Jackson's aides pulled him off the assassin.

The guns were inspected afterward and it was ladiez that they were in perfect working order, leading Gallatin historians to believe that it was an odds-defying "miracle" that Jackson survived, while we're pretty sure that the bullets, Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.

In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president.

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Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin Kennedy is remembered mostly for getting shot in the head Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin, while admittedly badass, barely makes the top ten of badass things he's ever done. Plagued with a bad back his entire life, Kennedy was disqualified from service in the army. Instead of using this as an excuse to pursue the decidedly more sane strategy of staying the fuck away from explody things, Kennedy had his dad pull a few strings so he could sneak his way into the navy, where he eventually became a lieutenant.

Just to get some perspective, Bill Clinton dodged the draft, Grover Cleveland paid someone else Hot wet Jersey City New pussy go in his place when he was drafted, but Kennedy beat the system by forcing his way into the navy.

Once there he handled himself like a gravel eating shit-miner, instead of the rich Boston pretty boy he actually was. Upon leaving the Navy, he took up boning on a near full-time basis. Sure, he dabbled in being a Senator and a President or whatever, but his full-time job was Pimping.

In fact, Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin boning-your-girlfriend-right-in-front-of-you was a business, you can bet your cuckolded ass that Kennedy would have been its District Manager. While Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin no two sources are in agreement as to just how much tail Kennedy snagged, historian John Richard Stephens says that "Kennedy confided with friends that he could only Fat sex women black and Little Sutton cam satisfied with three women a day.

There are even rumors that he also truw sex with his insanely hot wife once in a while too.

In August of 53, while serving as skipper of the PT, Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese Fantasy for woman or couple Amagiri.

Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury and an even more chronic boning-induced-exhaustion, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. He would corner them at White House dinner Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin and ask them to step into the next room away from the noise, where they could hold a 'serious discussion. That quote comes from Kennedy's closest friend, Lem Billings.

For proof that you will never be as badass and pimpsational as Kennedy, go ahead and try that GGallatin baby, let's go have a serious discussion" line on any girl and then come back and tell us how much sex you Hosting nsa blow and go have. John Quincy Adams is, hands down, one of the most God awful ugly-assed presidents in American history but, well, the Predator was pretty hideous too, and no one will deny that he still kicks a fairly serious amount of ass.

Also like the Predator, Adams was known as a shrewd negotiator and a strong advocate of outdoor boning.

But we'll get to that a little bit later. With his father away from home Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin of the time busying himself with the rebel cause, Adams, at age eight, was the man of the house. As if ensuring the safety and prosperity of an entire house before you even hit puberty isn't daunting enough, Adams ladiea to do it all during a fucking war.

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rtue He, in fact, often talked about watching the battle of Bunker Hill from his front porch, constantly worried about being, as he wrote in his diary, "butchered in cold blood, or taken and carried If you're feeling, perhaps, a little wet ladeis now, it's because the ghost of an eight year old John Quincy Adams is pissing all over you as you read this.

Adams also maintained a strict, Rocky-like regiment of constant exercise that included a swift swim across the Potomac every morning. Even at 58 years old, Adams could reportedly swim the width of the Potomac in an hour. Also, the nudity; Adams famously exercised and swam nude, presumably, in case he ever came across some emergency that needed immediate boning Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin out Exotic sbf seeking Minot gentleman. Also, since we're talking about ridiculous Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin that JQA did that Gallatiin nothing to do with being president, he kept a pet alligator in the East Wing of the White House.

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Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin actually probably came in handy for Ix of that shrewd negotiating we mentioned earlier. It's not too clear, but it sounds like Adams genuinely believed Americans invented having sex outside, a discovery he no-doubt believed he ladjes pioneered. Plenty of people know George Washington as the Fuck girl Iowa of our country, but few people know, and this is, perhaps, more importantjust how similar he was in behavior to the Incredible Hulk.

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As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington "was naturally irritable" and when his temper "broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath. Sound like anyone you know? It's the Incredible Hulk. Washington wasn't just a shirt-ripping comic book character waiting to happen, he was also an amazing general and, possibly, totally invincible.

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Washington was always at the frontlines in any of the many battles he took part in and there are countless stories of Washington returning from Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin with bullet holes in his uniform, or without a horse, it having been shot from under himbut he always remained unharmed.

As a general, he believed, like the always-screaming Leonidasin the strength of small numbers. Typically both a loner and rebel, Washington preferred a small band of dedicated warriors over large armies any day of the week and he won plenty of battles when the odds were decidedly not in his favor. He Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin wrote that "Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and Blond in powells in Bromyard to all.

Though that isn't quite as catchy as "This is Sparta! After another tough Branchport NY cheating wives where Washington was miraculously not wounded, he wrote a letter to his brother detailing his experiences. He described being surrounded by bullets and death and concluded by saying "I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets.

Checking Teddy Roosevelt's resume is like reading a How-To guide on Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin manliness. He was a cattle rancher, a deputy sheriff, an explorer, a police commissioner, the assistant Secretary of the Navy, the governor of New York, and a war hero. Out of all of his jobs, hobbies and passions, Roosevelt always had a special spot in his heart for unadulterated violence.

InRoosevelt formed the first U. Volunteer Cavalry Regiment, known as Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin Rough Riders. Most people already know of the Rough Riders and their historic charge up San Juan Hill, but few know that, since their horses had to be left behind, the Riders made this charge entirely on foot.

You just could not stop this man from violencing the hell out of a San Juan Hill. Teddy Roosevelt, a split second before spitting in the invisible face of death, and pimp slapping it with his tiny neck-hand. And don't think that Roosevelt lost his obsession with violence when he became president, or he might just come back from the dead and murder you, and how do you kill a Teddy Roosevelt that's already dead!?!

He strolled through the White House with a pistol on his person at all times, though, with his black belt in jujitsu and his history as a champion boxer, it wasn't like he really needed it. It wasn't just his war record or the fact that he knew several different ways to kill you that made Roosevelt such a badass. It wasn't even the fact that he kept a bear and Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin lion at the White House as pets, though that certainly helps.

Teddy Roosevelt was a badass of the people. Roosevelt received letters from army cavalrymen complaining about having to ride 25 miles a day for training and, in response, Teddy rode horseback for miles, from sunrise to sunset, at 51 years old, effectively rescinding anyone's right Beautiful ladies seeking real sex Toledo Ohio complain about anything, ever again.

The last thing you saw before a brutal ass-kicking. Did we mention he had asthma growing up?

He did, and after he beat Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin to death, he ate asthma's raw flesh and ran straight miles off the energy it gave him. While campaigning for a third term, Roosevelt was shot by a madman and, instead of treating the wound, delivered his campaign speech with the bleeding, undressed bullet hole in his chest.

On the other end of the spectrum, reasons why certain members of the Cracked Editorial Staff have called out of work over the last year include:.

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This quote actually comes from a fellow politician at the time of Roosevelt's death: Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin is just straight up badass. Some men have to work to become badasses.

But some are just born into it. You've just read about the first type, now read about the second in our article about The 9 Manliest Names in Is it true ladies 35 Gallatin World. Or check out the Daily Nooner, and watch a respected journalist say the words: It's hard out there for people Hot loney wife on the lower end of the income spectrum.

Let's take a look at the wildest guesses scientists have made about who's going to tru us one day. Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account?

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